Wednesday, July 30, 2008

the call

I start the week nervous- first day of school nervous- as rehearsals begin on this new show. Every time it's like will this be the time I fall flat on my face? Will this be the one where I bite off more than I can chew? And there's never a totally comforting answer inside me, just: you'll claw your way through this one, don't worry so much. Sometimes you'll feel overwhelmed, sometimes you'll feel on top of the world. But you'll make it.
But this times it's harder. Because today, at the end of day 2, with song snippets spinning around in my brain, I get The Call. The call from my stepmom that says the cancer's spread, it's in my liver and it's going to get worse and I've decided not to have the aggressive chemo because what's the point.
So her daughter and son-in-law and the grandkids are flying in from Ottawa to spend 9 days in Kelowna and say goodbye. Because she may be around for a month more or so, but she wants to have a happy week with her family while she still can. And will I be there?

Will I?

I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Go to Kelowna, let down all the people in this play. Stay in Vancouver, let down all the people in this family of mine. So I'll try and please everyone, and it will be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

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