Sunday, November 28, 2010


Onstage is: smiling and knowing your cues and not screwing up and most importantly, making everything look so easy, they won't realize how hard it is.
Backstage is where the real show is. I wish I could show you. I wish I had pictures. Backstage is 150 lighting cues, over 50 video cues, over 50 fly cues, and who knows how many sound cues. Backstage is a complex dance between actors and crew. Entrances, exits. Quick changes, scene changes, crossing from stage left to stage right and back again. Watching from the wings. Staying out of the way. Knowing just when to lurk just offstage and when to go downstairs and read a book for a while.
Next time I whine about 'fitting in' on a new job, just shoot me, okay? It's a couple of days since then, we just had our first audience tonight and I can't imagine how hard it's going to be saying goodbye to these guys in a month's time.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

a different perspective

"...or, you could look at it this way: a friend of your created a job especially for you." said J, and his words yanked me out of my self-pity and over-analysis this morning.
I had been feeling a bit blue about my new job, and guilty because I shouldn't be feeling blue about a job that is giving me a wonderful opportunity and paying me so much, and right before Christmas too. The problem is, I allow myself to get very shy in new situations, and to be the last one in to a project, to have to make my place in a group that has bonded together for over 3 weeks already, feels very hard. Add the pressure of having to add pretty accordion parts to a band that has also been playing together for weeks... well, I lost track of the good stuff and allowed myself to feel hard done by. J's words left me feeling guilty, and so I hereby am trying to re-program my brain to look at the many blessings of this job and overcome the things that scare me. It's good to be able to vent your doubts and fears to a trusted partner, but it's also easy to get stuck in a rut of negative thinking and "I can'ts". Every job I've ever had has been an opportunity to learn something new, and now I think I know what this job has taught me. Is teaching me. It's an ongoing process.