Monday, November 24, 2008

good & bad

We played a Jewish wedding yesterday, Amelia & I; not a family that we knew personally, but it was still lovely to be part of it, and it was our first Jewish wedding, so that made it more interesting. We loved the fact that the short ceremony included both singing (by the female rabbi and those of us watching) and wine, and concluded with the bride and groom beamingly dancing out of the incredibly tiny room to a rousing chorus of "Simon Tov u Mazel Tov". As we played klezmer/Eastern European instrumentals at the reception later, we mused that Amelia still had a chance to find a nice Jewish boy of her own, but my boyfriend's Irish-Catholic ancestry and my anglo-welsh forefathers mean I will never do the Hora at my own wedding. Sigh.

Later, instead of going right home we paid a visit to Burcu, newly back from Istanbul where she was visiting friends and plotting the Reptiles' return to that incredible city. I love how she closes her shop for the night and then has impromptu meetings, band practices and dinners around the couch at the back of the store. Drinking too much red wine, listening to haunting Iranian music and eating delicious Indian takeout at Burcu's clothing store- not a bad way to spend a Sunday night.

I am waiting for news on my stepmother, who's in the hospital at the moment. Her back is in agony, they don't really know why, and all the physio and massage isn't helping. Even though it's an old injury, the fact that nothing's helping means that the spectre of Cancer rears its head again. And so the limbo that she and my dad live in lost days is over for now and there is new pain and fear for them both and my concern for them is shamefully tempered with the thought oh please don't let me have to go up there this week; I have so much stuff to get done because sickness and dying have their own agendas and there is no convenient time but also because when it is in Kelowna and I am not, I can keep their fear and sorrow at arms' length and I am terrified that I won't be able to be strong enough to watch one relative die and be a comfort to the other. I'm not proud of these feelings, but that's how it is. Another voice says when it's time, you'll do what needs to be done and I know that's probably true but not yet, please. Not yet.

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