Thursday, April 3, 2008

Discombobulation; 3pm, Kamloops

That's how I felt waking up this morning, discombobulated. So much change and action occurring in my life and its all wonderful change (except for my stepmom being really sick, but I'm not really processing that right now), but I just had a moment of being overwhelmed completely. Caught sight of my face as I dashed from the drugstore to JJ Bean in search of a muffin and it was tight and strained (my face, not the muffin). Got back home, waiting for my ride to Kamloops to squeeze in another rehearsal or 2 before flying to Mexico... I just held on to Jon tightly for a minute, wishing in my secret heart for a lazy day with just him, no computers, no work, just a moment to snuggle and appreciate the Now instead of always rushing off to the Next Big Thing.

Then it was 10am, and I was picked up by 3 actors and borne away to Kamloops, where I now am, waiting for rehearsal to begin and enjoying the free wireless which the convention centre provides. And tomorrow I'll turn around and bus home and less than 8 hours later I'll taxi to the the airport and whizz off to Mexico and 8 days after that I'll return home and then I'll go to Gabriola with Zeellia and then go on tour to the Okanagan with them, and then there's music directing in Barkerville, a new play in Stanley Park this July, maybe a project in the Fall...

I am blessed with so many choices right now, and after a few scary months of no money and no opportunities I truly do appreciate these wonderful jobs so much; a chance to do what I love best: play, write and arrange music. A single, repetitive job would drive me nuts, I well know. But there's always an annoying part of me that's freaked out about keeping up with changes, that wants to retreat into a shell and be a hermit for a while. I know it's just my way of processing life, and I know that most, if not all, of these jobs and projects will be wonderful, exciting opportunities. It's just...feast or famine, ya know? Either there's nothing, or there's so much coming up that the mind boggles.

I just need to let my emotions catch up to all of this.

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