A comment on someone else's blog caught my eye today as I checked out my few faves. (It's a great way to start the day, this- switch on the computer and read blogs with a mug of hothot tea clenched in fist.) A blogger was commenting on what a terrible mood she'd wakened in, and how heavy her heart was, which is sad, because she seems like a great person and those black moods can be awful, whatever the cause. But someone had commented on this entry: "Thanks to Ambien, I no longer have nights like this..."
And I thought: I am so lucky. Because even though I can write every once in a while about feeling doubt, or pain, or even rage on occasion, anyone who reads this blog can see that I am basically a very happy, well-balanced person with a built-in optimistic nature. Because the only mood-altering drugs I have ever taken were the illegal, fun ones. Because even in the harder times I can usually see that cliched light at the tunnel's end.
I have huge problems with the amount of drugs that are peddled to us by pharmaceutical companies who convince us that we NEED them to live normal, "healthy" lives. Especially anti-depression drugs. But I have never known that total blackness of the spirit that can totally swamp a person so that maybe drugs are the only way away from sure suicide. And I pray to whatever gods there are that I will never have to know.