Ok, so I'm no great chef. I love food, but I'm not the sort of person who spends hours in the kitchen, slaving over a hot stove in order to nourish my friends. "Family dinners"up north in the summer- usually a roast chicken and some veggies or some other easily-ignored dish- are about the extent of it.
But you know, I usually think that I'm an acceptable cook.
Until I poison myself.
Luckily so far I have been the only victim. I have had some questionable dates, but I've never actually made anyone projectile vomit. As far as I know. This time I came home last night after a shift at the music school, cooked myself a healthy little meal, and... a couple of hours later I was pinned unhappily to the couch, watching the time get later and later, feeling the nausea building and building.
Well, we all know what happens when you get food poisoning. Something a lot like... this scene from "Team America: World Police", that's what. Good times.
The thing is, my body seems to feel that it's SO important to Get The Toxins Out RIGHT FREAKIN' NOW that I will literally throw up so hard that I black out. Which means that I get hurt. Today I have a very tender spot on my back from collapsing on the tiles at one point, my right knee is sore, and I have a small bump on my forehead from when I pitched off the toilet and came to face-down on the bathroom floor.
As I said, good times.
So what have we learned, boys and girls? Maybe... Don't buy the lamb patties from Buy-Low Foods. And if you do, cook them all the way through.