Is it Spring Fever? Newly-gained confidence from learning difficult things? Looking good in my new, smaller-sized clothes? Cycles of the moon?
Whatever it is... all day today I've been feeling like a cat on the prowl. Singing, bus-riding, taking my martial-arts class- I notice men again for the first time in what feels like weeks.
I was doing a recording session this morning, singing for two hours about putting on my dancing shoes. When the car pulls up this evening I run to meet it, stepping gingerly though, because it's snowing. I'm going out, after a long week learning about blood, and trauma, and deadly bleeding, and all the other million stressful things that make up first aid. What I really want to do is grab the first tasty man I see and pull him into a long, slow, sexy kiss. What I do instead is go out for drinks with 2 of my exes. I must be a masochist.
It is actually lovely that I can do this. I may not be exactly a fizzing firecracker on the ol' dating scene these days, but I can have drinks with 2 men who love me dearly (and are good friends themselves, which makes life easier). We go to a tiny bar because a band I love is playing, but it's so busy that we end up being upstairs, where we can talk but not hear the band at all. Ex One and I catch up: my Occupational First Aid course, my new home, some upcoming jobs; his kids, wife and new band. He is anchored; I am a drifter. From time to time we run downstairs to check out the music (and so I can drool over the drummer). Ex Two arrives straight from work and we have one final drink all together. There is so much love here between us all, love that isn't one night stands or Spring-Fever kisses but it's there nonetheless. Rock-solid love.
It's the law of inertia, I say to Ex One as we walk back to his car. I'm in motion again, so I want to stay in motion. I was stuck, earlier this month. I was inert and lazy, overwhelmed by financial confusion and no work and yet another move. Now I get up at 6:30 to learn how to deal with fractures and head wounds and CPR. The ball rolls: Boom! I get a sudden job offer. It picks up speed: Bam! I get gigs and recording sessions. I've had to wear latex gloves and sweaty yoga pants all week, so tonight-Whee!- I put on makeup and even curl my hair with my sister-in-law's curling iron until my hair is snaky and twisty and sexy.
I like how this feels, the slow picking-up of speed as the ball starts rolling again.