Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Warning: This Post Is Really Negative.

Okay, I warned you. Right in the title. This post is going to be very negative. Here's why:
  • A few nights ago it snowed. When I woke up on Friday the streets looked like this:

It was a glorious, snowy, pre-Christmas sight that warmed my heart. And now it's totally melted. Thanks, rain! You suck!
  • I woke up sick today. Well, technically yesterday, because it's now past midnight and so today is now Christmas Eve. My favourite day. And I am sick. I need tons of sleep and the next few days will be eating and travel and more eating and having to be sociable when all I want to do is be alone. 
  • Did I mention the eating? Because I feel really bloated and unhealthy; over-stuffed and self-indulgent. Yeah I know. There are so many people in the world who would kill to have this problem. That doesn't actually make me feel any better about myself. 
  • Something I ate or drank has made my mouth break out in horrible sores that really, really hurt. Which is one way to curtail the over-eating, I guess. But not a very nice way. 
  • I went to a really nice party on Friday night but I stayed waaaay too long. Around 2am I was in a hot tub with some drunk and loud people when the last of my alcohol buzz evaporated and I was suddenly profoundly sad. This may have been because my ex was there and although I love to see him and we get along really well I am always filled with a complicated mixture of sadness and failure and guilt when we are together (but not) at parties. So I left the party and went home. In tears. 
  • I felt so lousy the day after the party that I thought I was hungover. I also thought that the next day too so I was almost relieved when I realized that it was sickness, and not a hangover. Because I really didn't think I had drunk that much at the party. 
  • Because the sickness sucked all the happiness right out of my body, I did not enjoy two Christmasy events that I had been looking forward to: dinner at my brother's place and the East Van Pantomime. Although to be fair, I don't think that either of these two events were actually all that great anyway. But when you're a childless adult, if you don't enjoy family get-togethers and Christmas shows, then what's left to enjoy at Christmas? 
  • I feel directionless because I'm not working and I'm not inspired to write anything right now. Except really complain-y blog posts, apparently. Which makes me feel lazy. 
Okay, it actually felt good to vent there. I am going to try and sleep this thing off and hopefully I will wake in a day or two feeling less tired and mouth-sore and sad. I guess I've had a pretty good run of happy lately, so a day or two of sadness won't be the end of me. But dammit, it's Christmas! The timing could be better. 

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