Sunday, May 6, 2012

leaving: some late-night thoughts

I had a post all ready, about food and the city and some last-minute purchases I made recently. But then I accidentally navigated away from this page and lost it, every last word. I think I could sum it up by saying: Go to the Woodland Smokehouse & Commissary! Eat at Nelson The Seagull! Retro-vintage makeup cases rock!

I am tasting and touching and exploring the city as intensely as possible, knowing that I will be leaving so soon. Gulping food and music and fun before I plunge into rehearsals up north. Vancouver, always pulling me in, making me fall in love again at the last minute.

Last night I played a Flying Folk Army reunion gig, and it was fantastic. I opened for the band with a set of my own material, and finally playing my own songs in front of a crowd of friends was something I've wanted to do for so long. Nerve-racking, but wonderful. And then the sweat and stomp and sheer exuberance of the FFA! To play with five other friends after so many years apart; to share the stage with the man I was with for 14 years; to have my new sweetheart beaming at me from the audience, and another ex backing me up on my own tunes; to see and talk to so many people right before I leave again... it makes my heart full.

Last night after the gig, I barely slept; my sweetheart was restless and the bed felt too small. I wanted our last night in the same bed to be wonderful, and of course fate intervened and somewhere a small, mean god laughed, and by 5am I just wanted to strangle him so I could get some sleep. So I was raw and tired, but we had a great breakfast and I forgot how little sleep I'd had... And then we went to the racetrack, which as I've said before on here can be a wonderful place to spend a sunny day. But there was an accident during race number five. A horse 'broke down' on the backstretch, and suddenly there were riderless horses streaking towards the finish line, and an ambulance streaking down the track, and four jockeys were down. All the joy sucked out of the day, just like that. (The jockeys are all alive, and only one was injured. One of the horses, one I'd bet on, had to be killed.)

I told my sweetheart how much I'd miss him this summer. Tears came very easily, especially after seeing the accident at the track. I will miss him, although I know that it will be a great summer, it always is. It's hard to leave.

I have an audition for school tomorrow. I may not be as prepared as I'd like, but hopefully I'm prepared enough. Cross you fingers for me. And now, to bed.

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