11:11 pm

(actually, it's 11:12 by now, but 11:11 looked better as a title.)

well, i started the day in my little northern mining town
and am ending it at my mom's place in east vancouver
ten freaking hours on the Greyhound, people
(although it was pretty enjoyable to just sit quietly by myself and just read for ten hours straight. read, and watch the fraser river and the mountains and the fall-coloured trees flitting past. i don't remember the last time i read for ten hours. i most certainly didn't have time to do that this summer.)

i think i'm a bit shell-shocked, honestly.

i mean, the place i left has no traffic lights. not one.
and the town restaurant?
well, last night at the restaurant, we trooped in around 8, amy brought a dvd with her
and so we watched "The Long Riders": my roommate, my two bosses, dave and cheryl, who run the Paw, and Francesco The Italian Waiter-
Movie Night at the Bear's Paw. cool.

here in vancouver the traffic hums past all. the. time.
there are a million restaurants on the drive, but i bet i can't watch a movie at any of 'em
i am uncomfortably aware that my old home and life are just down the street from where i sit right now
and it is so surreal that that life is gone forever
and here i am, at thirty-seven
crashing on mom's floor for a few nights until the big move

going to move in to new digs next week
and get used to the sound of traffic all over again
and look both ways before i cross streets
and remember not to say hello to people on the street unless i know them

going to buy a new bed at ikea
it'll be a double, on the optimistic assumption that perhaps, one night, i might get to share it with someone
(not any specific someone, you understand
i'm just looking ahead to a time when i might have a love life again)

going to re-connect with city friends over coffees and rehearsals and walks
and try not to miss all the friends i made this summer
try to stay connected with them over distance
and trust that they'll be there next year
and that so will i

going to try not to lose my heart to anyone else for a while
take things slow and not fall madly in love after five minutes because really?
Today's Single Women are cool, they date; they don't get all fluttery at the drop of a hat
(um, i think i have a lot to learn. sigh.)

going to accomplish at least some of the things on my to-do lists:
the little, niggling ones like taxes and bills and chores
and the great big ones like travel and creativity and staying fit

autumn's here
old things are dying
new things are on their way