So yeah, I'm home.

Hit the ground running, so to speak, and didn't let up for a few days... headed off to play at a jazz festival on the Sunshine Coast, and just got back last night from some late summer/early fall camping. A few weeks' worth of freedom before fall craziness begins.

There was some intensity at first as we both adjusted to the fact that I was... back. And that, well, if clothes and books and things could be left behind for 4 months then other things/people could be as well, and what did that mean, exactly, and what did that say about the future, our future?

It's a very interesting position to be in, to be able to leave everything and everyone for a while and get a whole new perspective on what (and who) matters. And what matters to me right now is building on the foundation I laid this summer. New confidence, new perspectives, new friends, new motivation. I spent so much of last fall and winter looking inward, trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. And then I spent the whole summer just doing. So now it's time to balance both those things. Taking action. Paying off debts and making life more secure, but also doing the things I need to do creatively to keep my sanity. Keeping the new friends I made, but cherishing the old ones as well.

I want to keep checking in here from time to time, but hopefully if I write less here, it simply means that I'm living more.

Hey, I turned 36 this summer. Isn't it time to start living?

Welcome Back.

Well, not quite back. I'm actually writing this in Nimpo Lake, 3 hours west of Williams Lake. I am decompressing there for 2 nights before tackling Vancouver. My buddy Amelia is cooking at a lodge there and it seemed to make sense to call in on her before heading home. 2 nights to ease into the End Of Summer.

Four months of swimming, canoeing, dancing, playing, workingworkingworking. And now I go home.

I close my eyes and try to imagine the adventure ahead and I have no. idea. what I am heading towards. But I am ready to take the leap.

See you soon.

moving house.

What are you doing over here? My summer digs are here! Or you can head straight to the 'Blog' page here.

Have a great summer!

my city holds its breath.

Beck's song "Earthquake Weather" is in rotation on my iPod (as are such timeless classics as "The Hamster Dance" and Duran Duran's "View to a Kill", but the awful songs on there are another post altogether). I remember reading somewhere once- where? probably on the internet- that the Japanese called certain weather "earthquake weather"; days of stillness, as I recall, when there was no wind and everything waited.

My city is waiting today. Grey and still and untimely humid for mid-April. I run to the park and around the lake once, twice, three times, gulping in air that feels too still and too moist. It has been a day of sitting in front of the computer fiddling around with Photoshop. Day two of my first "professional" photography gig. Running is a relief and an escape and a question: how much longer will I be able to run? Will there still be too much snow up north? Will I be too afraid of bears to attempt it?

Today I hold my breath and cinch myself into the corset I will wear all summer long under various Gold Rush-era costumes. I hope that by the end of the summer I will be smaller and the corset will be more forgiving, but who knows?

I know that around the world, people are waiting too. For planes to be able to fly again. For a volcano to stop spreading so much ash, already. I know people who are getting ready to fly to Europe this week. Will they be leaving on schedule?

Every morning I rise early, for me, with a load of energy and high spirits that nothing can quench for long. I am so grateful for this energy, and fearful of its leaving.

I am counting down: last time I play with this band. Last time I play with that one. Last time I see him or her; last time I do that or go there. Soon, there will be new stories to tell you, new people in my life.

Maybe new people will read my stories, too. I'm planning to keep writing, but at a new location for the summer. Come on over and visit me here, starting in May. I hope you have a great spring. Me, I can't wait for the waiting to be over.

i have been sitting so long, my ass is numb

trying to write things but the words don't come

waiting for inspiration but my skies are grey

feeling like i wasted this free day

there are a million things i should get done

but do i want to do any of them? not one

emails are trivial, phone doesn't ring

no willpower to practice or sing

i could complain or simply shrug and say

"this day's a write-off, tomorrow's a new day"

far away/so close.

Doesn't air travel blow your mind?

I mean, isn't it crazy that I can wake up in Vancouver, BC, get on a train, be at the airport in under an hour and be in Winnipeg, Manitoba less than six hours after I woke up? And I can also iChat with my sweetie and talk for free over the internet as if we were almost in the same house. The world is tiny.

I'm in the Prairies to spend a week with my mom, who's been out here since January doing some stage managing until mid-May. If I don't see her now, then by the time she gets back I'll be up north and who knows when we'll meet up?

She's staying long-term in a B&B haunted by three portly cats: Indy, Pumpkin and Shadow. Today we roamed by the Forks and had sushi (sushi! on the prairies! another example of how small the world now is!) and I marveled at the sun and the complete absence of snow. (An unfortunate by-product of how small we make our world? Jet fuel as destroyer of snowy landscapes?)

I get back and a few weeks later I'll be gone again. Up north, where I suspect everything will seem far away and the world will get larger again. Until then I scratch a living catch-as-catch-can, play a few last gigs and savour the good stuff:

• looking out from the stage at a gig and seeing some of the people I love most staring back at me
• sharing a stage with three of the craziest, most inspired friends I have, and getting to make music with them
• sunny spring days in Manitoba with my mom

This spring is shaking up my old beliefs and habits and making me believe that life could change forever.

What is Spring telling you?

Stop the presses! Professional Musician Actually Caught in the Act of

Practicing Her Instruments!

Stunned partner, friends say they've "never seen anything like it!"

It's sad but true. I don't often just sit around and work at becoming a better accordion player and singer. Which, I know. "Ambivalent" and "Lazy" probably don't cover the half of it. Being one of those lucky folks who can coast through most things in life without putting in a lot of grind is a mixed blessing I guess: saves you a lot of effort but gives you lousy work habits.

But here's the thing- having to work at a crappy retail job 3 days a week sure gives you (and by you, I mean me) a better appreciation for the work you really love. And a burning desire to do more of that and less standing around making sure grubby little children don't get too violent with puppets that don't belong to them.

So on my days off I'm pleased to report that I've been putting in some long-overdue work on my 2 favorite instruments and actually hearing the results. Which is good, because I have some gigs coming up.

Being productive is also helping me to avoid the 800-pound elephant in the room. You know, the one with dollar signs in its eyes and a sign around its neck that says You Owe Me. Because really, who don't I owe at this point? Visa, Cel Phone, Utilities, Taxman, Medical... they're all lining up to take a piece. And I really, really have nothing left to give them. This time of year is always brutal. And I'm lousy with money. So roll on, May. Because although it means I'll be heading far, far away from my home and loved ones, at least there's a steady job waiting for me. (Thankfully, compared to most people with credit cards and mortgages and kids, my debt load is tiny. And I know I can get out with some steady work. It's just that my work is so seldom steady.)

Being at home has also given me ample time to read my favorite blogs and news sites, and so I offer the following observations:

• Why, why, WHY is "DH" the preferred acronym for one's husband in the blogging world? As in "dear husband"? Can we get any more 1950's? Blech.
• I hereby swear to never, ever use the following texting acronyms: LOL, IMHO, ROFLMAO. They annoy me. However, I do admit to using BTW and my favorite: WTF.
• If I have kids, they will never have a "playdate".

Okay, time to do some chores. Otherwise, my DCLS (darling common-law spouse) will come home and shout "WTF?!"

Later, 'gators.